I Release You

Sometimes I wonder if I’m wrong for not feeling anything
And sometimes I blame you for feeling nothing.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have fought harder for us
And other times I can’t grasp my mind around why.
Sometimes I think back on how perfect everything was
And how it was all just a figment of my imagination.

I remember so much laughter, the music, the movies and the jokes.
I even remember the Nerf gun fights, teasing, and chocolate covered strawberries.
I close my eyes and I’m back in your arms, in the midst of passion and so much love.
Waking up next to the one thing I wanted more than life itself. 
The reason for my smile every morning and night.

But I have to also remind myself of the lonely days, dismissed feelings and confusion. 
I remember that final day as if it were happening now.
In seconds I'm back in that moment and I can see my heart shatter. 
I feel it breaking into a million pieces with no one around to help.
Your words on the other end with no remorse.
The words of someone I had never met.
But they were your words. It was you. This was real.
And the person I had come to know and grown to love was but a 
Fallacy created in my head over years to hold onto the one thing I never had…

Dream World

Wait for the guy who gets up early 
to cheer for you on race day.
The one who waits for you at the finish line 
with Starbucks and a foam roller.
The guy who encourages and supports you 
every step of the way.

Wait for the guy who surprises you with 
race entries or running shoes instead of jewelry. 
The guy who delights in weights, 
protein shakes and the outdoors.
Whose idea of a perfect date is a gym sesh, 
good hike, sporting event or outdoor concert.

Wait for the guy who wakes up 
with the same drive to be better than yesterday.
The confident one who grabs and pulls you in 
for a passionate kiss in the middle of a crowd.
The guy who can't wait to show you off 
to his friends and tell them all about you.

Wait for the guy who looks at you the same way 
I look at my Nike Frees... ❤

90 days - Beyond the Free Runs

 

Today is kind of an important day for me. It's significant in more ways than one. The main one being it's been exactly 3 months since I've been back. A whole 90 days. When you think about 90 days, it really doesn't seem like much time. I mean, how much can your life really change in 3 months, right? Well, not long ago i learned that EVERYTHING can change. Change isn't always a bad thing, though. This time around it's been pretty spectacular. 
3 months ago, giving up would've been too easy. To lose focus and wander off lost into a black hole... well that's just not my style. I tend to look for the most difficult methods and go that route. Don't ask me why because it usually comes back to bite me in the butt a lot. Except this time. This time I look back and think of where i was one August morning. How broken, lost and helpless I felt. Like everything i worked for was in vain and the life i once knew was a lie. How maybe it was all just some fantasy i  had created in my mind...
Today I look back on the last 3 months and see how much has changed. All the things I've accomplished and I don't just mean the half marathon. You know the story, how running saved my life. I don't need to go into it again, but there is more to my life than my wonderful Free Runs. Sure they make me happy, but so do other things. Maybe I don't always talk about them, but I do and have had some spectacular days. I've got a pretty busy schedule these days. Aside from the workouts and training, I have my family and friends. Those who love and encourage me to push harder and keep moving forward. Anything from beach trips, road trips, Starbucks dates, wine nights, painting classes, baking sessions, sports events, hiking, birthdays, wedding planning, sushi, smoothies, shopping, dancing, dressing up because we can, dancing in the rain, movie nights, DC tours, adventures and shenanigans. The list goes on and continues as life takes it's course. 
We had to put our dog(my puppy) down this past weekend and it was definitely one of my harder moments as I've never had to put any of my pets down before. It's a bit of an adjustment and we're also in the process of selling our home. There are just so many changes going on that sometimes i feel it's the most consistent/constant thing in my life. change...
I can't express my gratitude enough for the people that fought to keep a place in my life and heart. I know we all have our own problems to deal with and sometimes we forget about the little people, but i'm so very appreciative of those who didn't let me out of their sight. Knowing that I am loved and can make a positive difference in someone's day/life, is knowing that i have succeeded in this life. My work here is not done, though. I have plenty more adventures ahead of me and more lives to bring light to  :)


For now, though... i'll leave you with this:

Sometimes It's That Little Extra!

Instagram: Sunshine_Memoirs

It's totally OK  guys. I ran today! So I'm back at this dominating inclines thing. I figure, once you master inclines everything else is just a walk in the park. Tonight's run started on what felt like the worlds longest incline. Got me pretty winded for the rest of the run, but hey... can't breeze through every run. That's just boring! Gotta add some challenges every now and then. That little pic on the left is a little something I made for Instagram today. That song came on my iPod at about the last stretch home and for some reason that one part of the song really just got me pushing more than before and got me home.
Now, I'm very familiar with the saying "your mind gives up way before your body does." It's pretty much the only reason I've kept improving over this past year with my running. I heard it again this past weekend at practice for the Dragon Race. Coach told us to focus on our strokes and breathing. Gave us tips on what to do if we're feeling gassed or too tired to keep going. At the end of his spiel he left us with that very quote. I thought to myself, there it is again. Something I hear all the time and sure it gotten me through the hardest of times when i just started my running journey, but you know how when you hear the same thing over and over it tends to lose its value? Yea that's kinda what happened with me and that quote. I know it first hand to be true, but i guess I had forgotten it's power and significance. There were parts of tonight's run where I just wanted to stop and walk because I was tired. Tired? seriously, who gets tired? I don't know what's wrong with me! haha OK so I got a bit winded sooner than I would have liked. I tried so very hard to stick to my little training for the evening and when I felt like I had reached my limit, I remembered that quote: Your mind gives up way before your body does. So you know what I did... i decided to test it out once more. I figured what's the worst that could happen? I mean it's not like I'm not going to die. What's another quarter-mile if my body can still go, right? RIGHT! I totally surprised myself a few times tonight with how much further I really could go, despite how exhausted I already was. Definitely a successful run tonight. I thoroughly enjoyed it and the weather is getting very warm. Might need to get some shorts soon because ain't nobody got time for pants!! 



So, I know I've mentioned an obstacle race I'm doing with le boyfriend soon. The Warrior Dash. WELL, it's coming up a lot sooner than later. Actually, it's finally here. We'll be heading out on our mini road trip Sunday morning for a midday wave run. We have decided to go as Mario and Luigi. I'm a little upset about the arrangements as I've been Luigi since I was born. This time around, I'm stuck being Mario. I guess it makes sense because he's so tall. He said something about he had to be Luigi because green brings out his eyes (BARF!) hahaha OK so maybe he's right, but only just a little. ANYWAY... we ordered our shirts and I can't wait for them to arrive. I'm trying to decide if suspenders would be too much during the run. Thoughts anyone? I'd love to add more to our outfits, but at the same time i prefer to run with as little added weight as possible. Here's a little preview of whats to come in this weekends post accompanying the Dragon Boat Race. SO EXCITED!!  :)

off track and onto a trail

I had spent some time earlier today thinking about the upcoming weeks with all the runs and obstacle races I had signed up for. Sounds like a lot of fun... sure hope it proves to be the same! Good thing is, for the most part, I have friends doing it with me. At least the obstacle races. The runs I don't mind doing on my own, but the obstacle races... pretty sure I will need someone to pick me up along the way! haha
This Saturday is my first 10k. Right now, I'm not worried about placing first, I just want to make sure I finish with enough energy and strength to last until the next day. Would love to get a hike in on Sunday. Guess we'll see...
Speaking of hiking! This evening was pretty wonderful! Took a little spur of the moment mini hike out to watch the sunset with a buddy of mine. Sometimes it's just nice to sit back and appreciate nature's beauty. Nice, peaceful way to do some reflecting. I could definitely use some tranquil reflecting with my upcoming schedule. Seems every weekend i have some kind of run and obstacle race to complete. I'm especially looking forward to the Warrior Dash towards the end of May as it will be my first "fit event" with le boyfriend. We've been wanting to do it for some time, but have just never been able to decide on a date and time. Well we're all signed up for it now, but before that, I have the Hero Rush. 4-5 miles designed entirely by firefighters! May God have mercy on my soul! I wont bore you with my list of activities as you'll be hearing about every single one of them as they occur! Get excited! 
Tonight's mini trail run was to a beautiful sight in West Virginia. It was nice to sit back and think of where I was a year ago today and where I am now. So many things have changed and I cant be more thankful for good health, family and friends. I couldn't be in a better environment these days :)

Boston Memorial Run

I remember signing up for this event. Finally a chance to pay my respects and make it a point that we must keep pushing, training, and living. I remember thinking "oh i'll be fine! The Glo Run is just a little 5k. I'll do a slow jog and salvage what i can for the 5 mile Boston Memorial Run in the morning." Yea, it totally did NOT go as planned. Aside from being forced to sprint most of the 5k, I didn't get to sleep until almost 2am from the little runner's high and then had to be out the door at 6:30am to make it to this next run. I thought very seriously about not going. I was exhausted! My friend was late to the house too, but that's OK because it meant a few more minutes of sleep! As soon as i got into the car, I told her "you know we're pretty much walking this whole thing, right? I don't even know how i'm functioning right now!" she agreed with the little bit of energy she had left as well from the lack of sleep. 

We had originally planned on making our own Amurrica shirts and topping it off with flag headbands. We decided the shirts were not so important by the time we made it back the night before and waking up early to attempt to create a masterpiece was just not going to happen. Did i mention it was quite chilly?! SO. NOT. IDEAL. We arrived at the same time as another friend of ours... I believe the final count of participants was 500 and this event was only just organized 4 days before. I thought that was pretty great! Everyone donated to help the families of the victims at the Boston Marathon Bombings. It was quite amazing to see everyone get together and show their support. More so because the planning was so last minute. Wasn't long before i was pumped and ready to start taking off running! ...or was it because i was so cold and wanted desperately to warm up? I really didn't care where the energy came from, as long as it was in me. 

The girl I went with was recovering from a recent hip injury. I promised to stay with her at the same pace even if she decided to walk. Well she did end up walking, but i kept jogging. Sure it might have been at the speed of a turtle, but i compensated with knee highs and butt kicks. Point is to keep moving right? I'm proud to say i did not walk any of those 5 miles. Maybe a lot of jogging in place, but i jogged the whole thing. I'm really quite proud of myself. I also paid for it later that day. 

Let me just say, by the time I made it home yesterday I only had energy for a shower, to change into my pajamas and post up for a Duck Dynasty marathon! It was a weekend WELL DONE! oh and did i mention our flag headbands were a big hit! We got several compliments! :)

Now, to find more runs and obstacle races. Gotta keep moving!