Tuesday, December 2, 2014

At Least I'm Not Addicted to Cocaine

(because we're all thinking it)

Tis the season to...um? be thankful? happy? For some it's a time of love, joy and family. A time for couples to share and bask in each other's company at the nearest Christmas tree or ice skating rink. Maybe it's a romantic candlelit dinner finishing just under some mistletoe getting that one perfect kiss under a few snowflakes... Yes, the happy perfect couple. Then there's that young family with children who always get along and play well together huddled in the snow working together to create their own Olaf. Not a single ounce of hardship or turmoil in their smiles. 

For others it's a season of countless nights in the back corner of a dim lit dive bar, drowning their sorrows in a bottle the best way they know how, all while being forced to listen to the same old Christmas pop songs playing in the background. If you ever saw Miracle on 34th Street with little Mara Wilson, you'll know what I'm talking about! Also reminds me of that scene in French Kiss when they talk about happy people and Kate goes "You'll be one of those grumpy old men sitting in the corner of a crowded cafe, mumbling to yourself, 'My ass is twitching. Your people make my ass twitch.'" You know the kind of people I'm talking about. The ones who keep their houses dark and cold. Who wear the same pajamas for days refusing to shower, drinking their way through a bottle of whiskey while reminding yourself of why you hate people and holidays. wait what? did I just say? Yep... I'm looking at you, buddy! 

But hey, don't get down on those happy flourishing couples! With all your anti-social antics you won't have to worry about being invited to that Ugly Sweater Party or Santa Baby contests. You won't have to fight for a spot on the couch in front of the TV. Nope. Shoot, you won't even need to waste money on trivial things like electricity because who doesn't enjoy a nice dark room to match that black cold hearted soul every once in a while. Just give those happy fools a little time and keep that seat on the couch warm. They'll be joining you one day soon enough! Until then, I'm going to have to politely ask you to get the fk off my couch with your problems! BAH HUMBUG! 

Merry Christmas you filthy animal...

No comments:

Post a Comment